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Time Cop
An Editorial by Brian Williams
During a discussion during our most recent podcast (episode #136), I mentioned my skepticism involving the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle reboot. What was my logic for “hating” on it? Time. That’s right. Not enough of it. What the hell kind of logic is THAT?! I have been known to pop off ridiculous statements with little, or questionable at best, facts or figures to support my claims. It’s usually followed with a “that’s my opinion” type of blanket response and we move on.
My comment was regarding the theory that a movie running under 90 minutes is inherently going to be bad. My brain goes immediately to movies like Phone Booth. This determination is primarily due to an imbalance of any combination of key elements when dealing with, in this case, a comic book to movie translation and/or a reboot of an existing franchise. These three elements are backstory (how did the character come to be the hero they are); drama (what conflicts does the hero go through to make us care for her); and action. Let’s face it, we see these types of movies to see some major ass-kicking!
There are parameters though. I am mainly discussing genre-specific titles here. That genre being the comic book-to-movie and/or reboots of existing comic book genre movies, since this is what the new TMNT movie is.
There are plenty of examples of very good movies that run 90 minutes or less. Movies like Zombieland, Office Space, The Purge, Stand By Me, and Airplane. Also, indie or low budget movies like Primer. I didn’t include these for a number of reasons. Horror and comedies tend to run shorter since rhythm (of a joke, scare, etc) is important and a finite thing. No documentaries or indies because, a lot of times, if they’re short, it’s due to budget constraints, no studio backing, etc. Let’s face it, there is an exception to the rule in every one of these genres, so let’s stay with the one that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in since that is what spurned this.
First, we just need time when jumping from the pages of a comic book to the big screen. These titles need scope. They need to feel epic because that is the type of world these characters live in. Not a time-crunched, wound-tight, procedural where a girl gets shot by a stray gamma water pistol and immediately decides she can fight the oppressive forces of the criminal hamburger truck in her small town.
These are Teenage. Mutant. Ninja. Turtles. I need a little more than the inevitable flashback on how they came to be. I can accept, in quick fashion, a boy that loses his parents and spends his life training and studying to be a vigilante. But for me to (and I use this term loosely) “believe” in these turtles, I need you to give me a reason. I need to see mutated turtles training. Why do they feel attached to April O’Neill versus anybody else? If you’re living in the sewers all the time, how do you even develop enemies with a ninja clan that apparently most people haven’t heard of? All of this takes time.
Here are some examples I’ve dug up on some of our more favorite and not-so-favorite movies :
- Alien Franchise:
- (Alien through Prometheus): run times averaging 2 hr 02 min.
- Alien vs Predator 1 & 2 : 1 hr 26 min & 1 hr 27 min, respectively
- Alien vs Predator 1 & 2 : 1 hr 26 min & 1 hr 27 min, respectively
- AVP was based on a comic book
- While people adore the Alien franchise (as a whole – warts and all) the AVP franchise was a great concept poorly executed
- Fantastic Four
- #1 2 hr 03 min – pretty good but not great
- #2 1 hr 29 min – it blew orange rocks
- Captain America, Thor, and The Avengers
- Both movies averaged over 2 hours each
- No Batman, Spider Man, Iron Man, or Superman movie is less than 2 hours
- The overwhelming majority of those are regarded highly
- All Blade movies are 2+ hours versus Green Lantern rolling in at 1 hr 44 min
- The two highest regarded X-Men movies (X2 and First Class) : both run over 2 hr 10 min
- The two lowest regarded ones (X1 and X3) : 1 hr 44 min each
- X-Men Origins : Wolverine
- 1 hr 47 min (while I liked it, it’s generally regarded as crap)
- The Wolverine
- 2 hr 06 min (and adored MUCH more by fans and critics alike)
What do all of these times mean? It means to have the best chance at making a “good” one, you must have time to make sure all the ingredients work cohesively. You wouldn’t spend a lot of time and money making a pizza, then pull it out of the oven 15 minutes early would you? No.
I will concede some of the movies listed are crap for other reasons than just time. Why do you think I didn’t list the Hulk movies which were averaging 2 hours+? Can a good comic book action movie be made well and have a run time of less than 90 minutes. Yes. But it’s like trying to make a Chicago-style deep dish pizza in your daughter’s easy-bake oven. The odds are very slim.
My brain hurts now. Where’s my moonshine…?
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