The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard | Film Review

Reuniting The Hitman’s Bodyguard’s Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson as (formerly licensed) AAA-rated protection specialist Michael Bryce and cold-blooded assassin Darius Kincaid, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is a sequel that no one asked for, yet most will still enjoy. What’s more, Salma Hayek is thankfully bumped up to an equal player as Kincaid’s wife, Sonia. A voracious Latina with motherly instincts and an even itchier trigger finger than Darius.

Events kick off immediately, with Sonia forcing Michael off of mental sabbatical in Capri to rescue Darius from almost certain death. Along the way, we learn that there is a maniacal villain with the Bondian name of Aristotle Papdopolous (Antonio Banderas) who has a nutty plan to wipe out Europe to clear Greece from its clutches. Or something even more ridiculous than that. Turns out – with the help of a criminally underused and utterly wasted Frank Grillo – Michael, Darius, and Sonia are the only ones that can stop it.

Look, plot wise, I have very little for you here. If you are a fan of the Roger Moore era James Bond films, there’s a good chance this entire premise will be right up your camp-loving alley. It’s completely bonkers, wears little in the way of common sense, and is so forgettable as a plot device I’m not even sure it was one. There’s a fair chance I completely made that entire outline up without even realizing it. That said, kudos to Antonio Banderas. Not only do we get a loving reunion of desperados Antonio and Salma, Banderas leans so far into the outlandishness of Aristotle that the aroma of cheese swiftly shifts from rotten to delicious in rather expeditious fashion.

Ryan Reynolds is always a charmer, and it seems he has fully embraced a career playing varying degrees of Deadpool. That’s fine by me, as probably the wittiest actor working today, he’s glorious at it. The only downside to Bryce in this film is that his character is written into Thor-levels of boobishness. In the first film, Michael was fully in on the joke and was a formidable badass. In the sequel, he’s emasculated over losing his license and finds himself unable to kill, IS the butt of the joke, and essentially used as a live-action Road Runner cartoon, constantly pulverized in certain-death situations for comedic but nonsensical effect. Reynolds does the best that he can, but this is character loss, not growth.

Samuel L. Jackson is a mutha f***ing legend. This is true. He’s also coasting so much here you might as well put a drink on his head. Darius Kincaid continues to come across as that kid in elementary school who learned how to cuss, and decided he was going to do as much as possible to show the other kids how g’damn edgy he is. Thankfully, Jackson knows his schtick and makes it work, but he still deserves finer tuned dialogue. Also, with Morgan Freeman popping in for a bit, a glaringly missed opportunity remains for getting these two a ton more screen time together.

Salma Hayek, now she gives this movie 100% maximum effort, plus Jackson’s remaining 75%. Sonia, a murderous, foul-mouthed, explosive assassin, also remains wistful at the prospect of motherhood. She also arrives as the only fleshed-out character in the entire movie, with an actual arc buried under the film’s overwhelming extremism. Hayek has long proven herself worthy of a leading action role (go watch Everly right now!), and her prowess and dedication to infusing a soul into Sonia saves the film from so many of its own shortcomings.

Director Patrick Hughes returns for the sequel, and though the set-pieces are mostly forgettable, he leaves us with an amiable and enjoyable buddy-action comedy that will likely leave you smiling more often than contemplating plot holes (let’s be honest, you aren’t watching this one for scientific research). Reynolds and Jackson were a worthy team, but Hayek really kicked the movie in its own ass. Here’s hoping the writing gets a bit sharper for the inevitable Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard’s Bad Asset, where Hughes finally remembers he has charismatic action star Frank Grillo also on staff.