Poltergeist (2015) | Movie Review

For this 2015 version of “Poltergeist”, they’re definitely here…and they’re decidedly average.

Remakes hit the multiplex just about every weekend these days, nostalgia being wrung dry like a cinematic sponge left on the childhood sink a bit too long. Not many have caused such a ruckus as director Gil Kenan’s attempt to reinvigorate the Tobe Hooper classic “Poltergeist”. Does the film ‘need’ to be remade? Will audiences embrace a horror classic, a term used far too frequently yet definitely applies here, as a new entity, full to the brim of new takes on old ideas? Or will too many walk away with their own respective youths destroyed amidst a dumpster fire of bad ideas and homages? Turns out, for this film, neither camp will be satisfied.

The 2015 version of “Poltergeist” is good enough to not be bad, but bad enough to not be good. What the hell does that mean? That means the film, taken as its own product, is fantastically average. There are no brilliant scares, no genius twists that elevate the spectral flick above anything else in recent memory. If a viewer has never seen the original, there is nothing here that will make them want to give it a go. There is also no moment to point at as a reviewer and say ‘THAT’S WHERE IT ALL WENT WRONG!’, because it really never does.

When the Bowen family arrives at their new home, Eric (Sam Rockwell) and Amy (Rosemarie DeWitt) are just trying to start over. Amy is an unemployed writer, while Eric has been laid off for some time. Should they have purchased a new house, even a less-pricey one, when they are so obviously up-to-their-necks in debt? Probably not, but this is how the film chooses to set-up our heroes in a modern America.

Of course they bring along their three children. Kendra (Saxson Sharbino) is the oldest and comes steeped in teenager-movie clichés. Griffin (Kyle Catlett) is the middle child and does a nice job of being the biggest sissy in the neighborhood for the first half of the film, before a sudden infusion of gravitas. Finally, there is Maddie (Kennedi Clements), the adorable Carol Anne substitute who first begins to talk to imaginary friends in the closet and creepily massages HD TVs when no one is watching.

Shortly after strange things happen (and I mean very shortly, roughly 15 minutes after problems begin to arise), Maddie turns up missing. Believing that she has been sucked into the evil demon closet, the Bowens call on a TV sensation and paranormal expert – Carrigan Burke (Jared Harris), and yes, that is his real name – to help them get their daughter back from the ‘here, not here’. Modern technology is put to use in an effort to update the film (drones, mobile phones, etc), but if you have seen the original, this revamped model follows the same story almost to the letter.

It all boils down to a film that spends too much time jazzing up the effects, with little time given to actually engaging the audience. The most effective visual in the entire film is the subtle handprints on the TV as Maddie reaches out to her ‘friends’ in the beyond. Otherwise, everything else is grossly overdone.

Did you get creeped out from the clown in the first movie? Well, get ready…now we’ve got 5 TIMES THE CLOWNS! Ever wonder what happens when they follow that rope into the closet? Now you’ll know, repeatedly! It is as if the filmmakers decided all they needed to do to remake the film is amp up everything you liked about the first film, and leave absolutely nothing to our imagination.

Ultimately, it just doesn’t work. For all of the fine acting in the film – and all of the actors are strong, especially Rockwell and Clements – the movie just tries too hard to establish itself as a ‘worthy’ remake. Too many nods to the previous film, with too few reasons to set it apart.

My biggest problem with the movie, though, has nothing to do with any of that. None of the Bowen’s actions make one iota of sense. They’re broke, so they buy a new house (though admittedly cheaper). Dad’s out of work, so he spends a fortune buying gifts for the kids and Mom doesn’t beat him senseless. 47 creepy-ass clowns attack Griffin, and Eric leaves them in the house, apparently part of his ‘Man-Up’ style of parenting. Maddie is missing and the parents have experienced very little odd behavior, yet they wait to call the police to talk to paranormal experts. It is just too much of a pill to swallow to follow these dumdums on their quest to save poor Maddie. Honestly, Maddie might be better off in the light.

In the end, it is just a competently made film, and for those that have never witnessed the original, there is enough here to engage you for a matinee or rental down the road. For fans of the 1982 classic, you’re better off with Zelda Rubinstein cleaning house and Carol Anne correctly delivering the film’s signature line.

For this 2015 version of “Poltergeist”, they’re definitely here…and they’re decidedly average.

Aaron Peterson
The Hollywood Outsider