Keanu (2016) | Film Review

In the pantheon of gangsta’ films – ranging from “The Godfather” to “Scarface” to “New Jack City” – a certain mystique has always been missing. One Key (& Peele?) element that could ultimately elevate the gangsta’ film to that next level, the center stage, the big show: kittens.

That’s right, whether you realize it or not, adorable has long been lacking in our cinematic escapades through the nefarious underworld of sex trafficking and chronic smoking. Rest easy, America, as Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key have stepped up to correct this egregious wrong with their new film, “Keanu”.

After a crushing break-up, Rell (Peele) comes across a charming stray he immediately takes in, naming him after one of the greatest thespians to ever grace the silver screen. Life begins anew for Rell, as Keanu brings him back from the brink, only to unexpectedly be catnapped after his apartment is ransacked. Believing this all stems from the thieves mistaking his home for that of his drug-dealing neighbor (Will Forte), Rell grabs his best friend Clarence (Key) – who is on a free weekend due to his wife and child off on a retreat – to track down the drug lords responsible and get his damn cat back.

Of course, once they find Cheddar (Method Man), the Kingpin responsible who somehow mistakes our duo for a pair of skilled assassins, our boys have to dig deep and keep up appearances by maintaining the sleek ‘street’ personas they’ve acquired from years of those aforementioned gangsta’ films. Essentially, this is “White Chicks in the Hood”.

“Keanu” is an insanely ridiculous concept: 2 average guys decide to masquerade as badass mofos in order to get their precious kitty back. The thing is, the concept mostly works. We buy into the lunacy of Rell’s williness to risk a cap-in-his-ass for this insanely cute kitten – trust me, you would too – and Clarence seems like the kind of guy who desperately needs a solid infusion of confidence.

Unfortunately, the comedy is a bit more hit-and-miss. Key and Peele are known for their genre-sendups on their popular Comedy Central TV series, and that is exactly what this feels like: an F-bomb laden TV sketch expanded to feature length. For every joke that lands upright on all fours, there are about three more that hit the litterbox. There are even a few that start off glorious, only to dive-bomb into ‘THEY ARE STILL TELLING THIS JOKE?!’ territory (I’m looking at you, George Michael). When a movie makes me check my watch every time a toe-thumping classic like ‘Faith’ is playing, I know they’re doing it wrong.

I went into this movie expecting a plot written in crayon, and that’s exactly what I witnessed. This is not a case of missing expectations, as mine were barely above sea-level. This concept would absolutely work if the humor was consistent enough or uproarious enough to keep my belly bouncing and my feet stomping in spite of the nonsensical story.

Instead, “Keanu” ended up being a little more pleasant than a hairball.