Firestarter (2022) | Film Review

Longtime fans of Stephen King are more than aware that King has a penchant for youths with hellacious gifts. His 1980 novel, Firestarter, exploded onto the scene and immediately setup a vehicle for young Drew Barrymore as Charlie, a precocious girl with the ability to incinerate anyone and everything in her path. Flash forward to 2022, and Blumhouse films is delivering their attempt at reviving Charlie in a remake that dares to take a few deviances from the source material.

In director Keith Thomas’ stab at Firestarter, Charlie (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) is again struggling with her burgeoning powers of being a walking flamethrower growing underneath her fragile demeanor. Her also superpowered parents, Andy and Vicky McGee (Zac Efron and Sydney Lemmon) – he with the power to “push” people’s minds to do as he pleases, and she with telekinetic ability – are split on how to address their increasingly out-of-control little girl. Andy wants to bury and hide her secret from the nefarious group – who also experimented on Andy and Vicky and are known as The Shop – hunting her down, while Vicky deems it imperative that Charlie learn to master her gift before she hurts someone. Both are strong arguments that probably should have been settled ages ago, but parenting is a bit of a bitch and Charlie just blew out a bathroom stall door in front of her teacher. No time to argue and grounding her is not going to fix this one.

The aforementioned mini-explosion at the school sets off a warning sign to Shop leader Captain Hollister (Gloria Reuben), who reactivates former soldier Rainbird (Michael Greyeyes) to hunt Charlie down at all costs. Charlie’s mother becomes a pawn of sorts to get these pieces moving, which put Andy and Charlie on the run from Rainbird. Though anyone who has ever heard of Firestarter is probably well aware we are headed towards an eventual showdown between The Shop and Charlie’s ability to instantly rotisserie any person she chooses.

As much as I would love for this movie to succeed, Firestarter barely stokes a flame. The cast is serviceable – though Efron playing against type as a father was a strong addition – and the story is definitely an engaging enough one on paper, but everything within the film simply comes across blandly, emitting only a puff of smoke here or there. The dialogue is as creaky as old cellar stairs, and story changes meant to modernize the film instead add head scratching turns that make zero sense. At one point, Andy faces a showdown which seems wholly unnecessary and borderline idiotic when his own mantra is “keep running”. Don’t get me started on the final shot blindly ignoring a major character arc and instead painting that character’s nefarious choices as nothing more than a shoulder shrug.

The intensity never induces more than a raised eyebrow, the camerawork cannot effectively hide its obviously restrained budget, and the special effects shots are not special in the least. In an era when the first season of Stranger Things had stronger “Charlie” moments of destruction and decadence than this story that it’s completely ripping off, it becomes difficult to not point out the weakness of this rather generic iteration. Other than a vivid score emulating the 80s from John Carpenter, Cody Carpenter, and Daniel Davies, Firestarter is an undercooked remake of a property worthy of revitalizing. The world needs R-rated superheroes and villains, it’s a shame Charlie doesn’t deserve to join the club.